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Monologue

Week of August 24

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This week: A parade of Trumps invade the Republican National Convention; Donald Jr. unsuccessfully jockey’s for position with his daddy’s little princess; Kimberly Guilfoyle blows a gasket in front of a crowd of none; Rudy is back! And he’s grosser than ever; and Jim Gaffigan isn’t fucking having it!
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Week of August 10

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This week: Our current president is definitely not a mountain man; When exactly did World War 2 end? Depends on which dummy you ask; Russia has a COVID vaccine! But only if you ask Russia; Kamala Harris is at least part black and that makes racists fully nervous; And it’s 3 months until the election. Do you know where your mailbox is?
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Week of August 3

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This week: Hurricane Isaias causes power outages in New York, delays release of MY FRIDAY RANT/other mayhem; Trump proves his way with words is the wrong way; the world is exposed to the true “belly of the beast”; the petrie dish that is public school is back in session; the NRA’s hands just got a little colder and deader; and Biden pretends we don’t know who he’s going to pick as his VP.
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Week of July 27

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This week: Well wishes and thunderous silence; Does this lab coat make me look “not batshit crazy”?; Our “president” proves he’s as shallow as a Club Med kiddie pool; Madonna literally bathes in her tone-deaf awfulness; And there’s a new Dumbshit in town, and his name rhymes with Bluey Bohmert!
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Week of July 20

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This week: President DumbDumb unleashes His Majesty’s Secret Service on people who disagree with him, sort of like a despot would; Is it finally a good idea to wear a mask, or has it always been a good idea to wear a mask?; And polar bears are on thin ice, but not because they’ve done anything wrong.
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Week of July 13

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This week: The NFL bids sayonara to the Redskins; Tucker Carlson proves you can actually run and hide; Betsy DeVos slums it on CNN and it doesn’t go well; And one lucky dumbshit has finally won what he believes was a nationwide race to be the first governor with COVID.
What a dumbshit!
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Week of June 29

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This week: Welcome to  the “Planet of the Macaques”; Trump perhaps conveniently sets his phone down for the first time since the invention of phones; Russia seemingly tightens its grip on our president’s sagging jowls; the Godfather of pizza seems to have grabbed himself a slice with extra COVID; and nudists – are they even more ridiculous than you already think they are? Spoiler alert: Yes!
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Week of June 15

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This week: Juneteenth gets a not-needed boost; the Supreme Court hates Donald Trump; there’s a new “Karen” in town; if you look up “racism” in the dictionary, you might finally see what it actually means; and water – is it harder to drink than we think it is?
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Week of June 8

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This week: a slightly dated symbol of the South is being hung out to die; the DC swamp might finally be getting drained; the president’s photographer gets yet another impossible assignment; NYC deals with an unforeseen side effect of the coronavirus; and one of the president’s biggest supporters turns out to be a total nutcase! Who would have ever seen that coming?!
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Week of June 1

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This week: A Utah man finds out what happens when you bring a bow and arrow to a protest fight; An impossibly old woman gets Covid-19 and survives to drink about it; And, of course, Trump Trump Trump, blah blah blah, dumb dumb dumb, yada yada yada.
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