Skip to main content
Poker Story

Hammadown (Chapter 15)

By December 24, 2023No Comments

This week: I unearth a centuries (and/or year) old Hammadown and go to work on it like a shitty old house on one of those fixer-upper shows. Specifically, that one show called Fixer Upper. Pics were added after an easy search on my phone turned them up in all their glory. Everything below the pics was already in the previously unpublished Hamma.
Dig it!

(Game Day: December 19th, 2022)

“Year-end Extrava-poker”

Here we are just over a full year later, and I found this one sitting here in the “drafts” folder. It was far from completely complete, and I’ll be damned if I can remember any additional details, but I DID look in my photos app for pics on December 19, 2022… et voila!

Proof of attendance for Cockman, Freed, Eddie, Hank, and Charlie…
Hank, clearly saying to someone who was probably distracted by Charlie to “FOCUS!”

Yours truly with the reading-glasses-on-top-of-the-knit-cap look that screams, “I can’t see my cards!” and “I’m cold!” at the same time.

I call this one, “Poker Chip Cookie”…

For these next two pics, the cards speak for themselves.
Pic 1: The rare “double both”…

Pic 2: the equally rare “Quad 9’s beats quad 7’s for a big-ass pot”…


The rest of this was previously written, and dug up like treasure on a yet-to-be-named island…

Freed brought the usual 40 pounds of food, this time from Dallas BBQ. If any of y’all need little containers of leftover bbq sauce, I’ve got 40 of them in my fridge. And as our friend Eddie Brill says…

If you act now… good luck, because acting’s a tough career.

It was the day before Joe’s birthday, but we didn’t make a big deal out of it. Mainly because Joe very modestly didn’t bring it up… and none of us seemed to know.
And that’s what friends are for!

Eddie called the afternoon of the game to complain of a sore throat,  but insisting he’d tested negative for the C-word that morning. I told him it would be fine, but that he shouldn’t touch me or get near me or look at me or talk to me or let anyone at the table know that we were ever friends in the first place.
Also, I insisted that he sit on the other side of the table from me.
Seemed fair at the time.

Adam’s brother, Jacob, joined up day-of making it a solid 7 which is always better than 8 since 8 keeps us from playing a lot of our silly games without running out of cards and having to use a common card for the last round—never a good situation.
Clay-TON was an early scratch and seemed to regret it when he found out he would miss out on what is commonly referred to as “the double-Abramowitz.”
Related: After food and weed (not necessarily in that order) we took our somewhat random seats. Cockman sat directly to my left—a common spot for him. Then Jacob tried to sit directly to my right, and I wasn’t having it. I refused to be Abramo-surrounded. So, I explained it to them the best way I know how: In song…

Abramowitz to the left of me
Abramowitz to the right
Here I am
Stuck in the middle of Jews

So Jacob moved to a seat that will heretofore be known as “The Occupied Territory.”

We took a record low, one weed break. And that was before we even started playing. Turns out that all you really need if you have the right smoke. Apparently, we did.

The chip situation remains dire, so we actually had to dig up an old set that was still in pretty good shape. The only issue being that the blue and the green chips in the old set are way too close in shade, so none of our old-ass eyes could make out the difference without turning our cell phone lights on and maybe even getting out our pocket magnifying glasses. The result was that I counted wrong in the first place and gave everybody weird, very wrong amounts. We straightened that out, but after trying to play with the weird color chips, we dug enough non-destroyed blues out of the “new” chips to replace the greenish-blue from the “old” ones. It saved us a lot of confusion.

We still haven’t gotten the new new chips yet, but Eddie found a place that we’re pretty sure will be able to accommodate our very specific, customizable needs. We’ll see if we can get it done before the first game of 2023.
(UPDATE: We still haven’t gotten this new fucking chips.)


(Small: 5 cards, all up. Big: 7 cards, all up)

SMALL: Freed stole it on the last card pulling his second two low pairs to best Angelo’s early queens.

BIG:  Skinny-Cockman went home a little heavier than when he showed up after getting two pair on his last 4 cards. Maybe he can get his Honda Civic painted now.

Until next time, y’all.

(The Hammadown is an Efrem Zimbalist Jr. production.)

Leave a Reply