Monologue

Week of Nov. 30

By December 4, 2020 December 7th, 2020 3 Comments

This week: America recovers from celebrating a myth; Donald Trump’s way-too-long goodbye; ♬ Joe Biden has a middle name. It’s R-o-b-i-n-e-t-t-e. ♬ ; Is our nation’s political future really in the hands of Georgia?!; Where will you be on inauguration day?; And “Pardon Me!”: the new White House game show that’s sweeping the First Family.
Dig it…

This week: America recovers from celebrating a myth; Donald Trump’s way-too-long goodbye; ♬ Joe Biden has a middle name. It’s R-o-b-i-n-e-t-t-e. ♬ ; Is our nation’s political future really in the hands of Georgia?!; Where will you be on inauguration day?; And “Pardon Me!”: the new White House game show that’s sweeping the First Family.

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First of all, I hope that despite the ongoing #shitshow that is Donald “J. for Jackass” Trump everyone was able to put their now deeply embedded rage aside and enjoy the consumption of turkey and stuffing in celebration of the ridiculous myth that colonists and Native Americans loved little more than sitting down and sharing a meal together before maybe playing some Giant Jenga™ and exchanging homemade “friendship blankets.”
“Super fun!” said the Wampanoags in 1621. “It almost makes us forget you’ve already been enslaving us for 100 years and will soon nearly wipe us out in the name of Manifest Destiny!”

“Cheers, friends in Christ!!”

Anywhooooo… as an emotional palette cleanser before we move on, please enjoy this short video that I believe accurately reflects how over 80 million of us feel about the outgoing administration…

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Now then…
Though the lamest duck in political history still refuses to formally concede, the presumptive actual winner of the election, Joseph Robinette Biden Jr.* (actual name, and how the fuck did I not know that already?!) continues his efforts to conduct an orderly and peaceful transfer of power while King Dumbshit clamps down on the White House keys like a pitbull on a poodle.

  • SIDENOTE: Despite his becoming president, the smart money is still firmly on the name “Robinette” to retain its own vice-like grip on the top of the list of “Least Popular Baby Names Ever.”

Robinette (as none of his friends call him) has already named a number of nominees for major cabinet positions and we could talk about them until we’re red, white and blue in the face, but the fact is that all of them need to be confirmed by the senate which is going to be about as easy as hand-feeding a murder hornet.
Unless…

It would seem our nation’s political decency completely depends on the outcome of the Senate run-offs in Georgia on January 5th which will determine control of the senate.

Race #1: Handsome Anthony Weiner v. Insider McTradingGuy
 
John Ossoff supports the Affordable Care Act, comprehensive immigration reform, campaign finance reform, women’s right to choose, access to contraception, ending mandatory prison sentencing for non-violent drug crimes, and he accepts the scientific consensus on climate change.
David Perdue made 2,596 stock trades in a single term, frequently profiting off companies that operate within the oversite of his Senate committees. He also profited millions of dollars during the pandemic thanks to the highly curious timing of trades he made in Cardylytics, a financial company for which Perdue previously sat on the board.
So, yeah… I can totally see how this one is a toss up.

Race #2: “Non-threatening” Black Guy v. Fat Ann Coulter

Raphael Warnock has been the senior pastor of Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta since 2005.
Despite that…
He supports reproductive rights for women and equality for the LGBTQ+ community. Warnock grew up in public housing and has long been a leader in the fight to expand Medicaid under the Affordable Care Act. 
Kelly Loeffler
 is a Trump loyalist who fully supports his claims that the general election was a fraud. She and her husband have a combined net worth of over 800 million dollars, which made it that much easier for Loeffler to donate large portions (but not all) of her Senate salary to anti-abortion and anti-LGBTQ rights organizations. And she, like Perdue, has also been implicated in numerous shady stock trades because for people like Loeffler enough is never enough, particularly when you’ve already got more than enough.
So, yeah… another total toss up, unless you’re a white gazillionaire and want to make sure that poor people can’t get abortions or health care or access to your gated community.

Of course, some people would have you believe this race has nothing to do with race. But they’d be wrong. Among white voters in Georgia, Perdue currently leads by an astonishing 43-points and Loeffler by 37-points.
But wait!
There’s more undeniable racial divide!
Among Black voters, Ossoff has an 87-point advantage and Warnock an 83-point advantage. So…

  • FUN FACT: This race is totally about race.

As for why Georgia’s black population feels underrepresented by a multi-millionaire businessman who uses his office to enrich himself, and a multi-multi-millionaire socialite who has unconditional love for Trump, well, (fake laugh, fake laugh, fake laugh)… that’s just anyone’s guess.

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Back to the aforementioned peaceful transfer of power that has been a cornerstone of our 250-year-old democracy but is about to get involuntarily fisted by the uncomfortably numb skull who somehow believes the white house is his basketball and if he doesn’t get to play he’s just going to take that ball home with him.
Donald Trump has not only so far failed to rsvp for Joe Biden’s inauguration
uhhhh, Rude!
… he is reportedly considering hosting a campaign event on that same day to announce his 2024 presidential bid.
Rather than write them all out, I just took a screen shot of…

Pick one! They all work! It’s a pretty fun game, until you remember that it’s reality.

This move would, of course, be unprecedented, but as with most things Donald Trump does, not in a good way. Like in 1926 when Gertrude Ederle became the first female to swim the English Channel breaking the men’s record by nearly two hours.
That was good unprecedented.
The President of the United States purposefully undermining his successor because he’s a thin-skinned man-baby who spends every waking minute in a destructive alternative reality?… that’s bad unprecedented.
It’s like if at the end of The Karate Kid, instead of accepting defeat and handing Daniel the trophy himself, Johnny ran up and broke his other leg. That’s our president. And it’s gross.

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And finally…

Not only is the Trump Administration under investigation for potentially funneling money directly to DumbDumb himself or related political committees in exchange for a presidential pardon, our unprecedentedly lunkheaded leader has reportedly also looked into granting pardons to his 2 grown children (and Eric), as well as Jared Kushner and Rudy Giuliani and himself. Not that any of them have repeatedly committed federal crimes! But yeah… they’ve almost certainly all repeatedly committed federal crimes. Because nothing says “innocent” like needing a presidential pardon because you’re totally innocent.
I’m not sure what the specific charges will be, but I’m 100% sure that entire family is guiltier than Sylvester the cat with a yellow feather hanging out of his mouth.

Our First Family

Perhaps in the not-so-distant future, most or all of them will be inside that cage with the door shut.

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Ending, as usual, on a positive note…
This week’s musical guest is Birdthrower.
Who the fuck is Birdthrower, you ask? Legitimate question. According to Ben Harper, who produced this song and the eponymous album on his new label, Mad Bunny Records, Birdthrower is a musician “whose commitment to artistry and songwriting is unparalleled.” He also happens to be my friend, Robert O. Leaver. I’ve known Rob for a very long time though our contact over the years has always been unfortunately limited. We jammed together once or twice (definitely at least once!) in one of the studios down in the 20’s in the flower district. We would play original tunes of his, but he would also just ask me to start a weird groove on the drums and then he’d join in, often improvising wild lyrics and/or random noises. It always felt like the more unusual the better and I remember really enjoying that. I like Rob and I’m super happy for him that he gets to experience this release.
For the record, Harper also said Birdthrower fills “a sonic space somewhere between Lou Reed, Leonard Cohen, Victoria Williams and the sound of a growing forest.”
Wowsa!
Hard to take that seriously, but I’ll definitely agree with the sort of modern-day Lou Reed vibe.
Dig it…

Peace, y’all.

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