Monologue

Week of Nov. 9

By November 13, 2020 November 14th, 2020 3 Comments

This week: Trump doesn’t know the meaning of the word “concede,” not to mention a slew of other words; Our current president and Veteran’s Day go together like cookies and ass; Mississippi has a new flag, but they can’t seem to shake their old guard; It must be a cold day in hell, because Fox News is turning against the president; And our musical guest very politely requests that he be your back door man.
Dig it…

This week: Trump doesn’t know the meaning of the word “concede,” not to mention a slew of other words; Our president and Veteran’s Day go together like cookies and ass; Mississippi has a new flag, but they can’t seem to shake their old guard; It must be a cold day in hell, because Fox News is turning against the president; And our musical guest very politely requests that he be your back door man.

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At some point during his existence in the 18th century, Irish writer, Oliver Goldsmith, noted…

“Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.”

Unfortunately for those of us in the 21st century, the world’s most current absurdity has over 72 million champions.

“Snake oil, heeere! Get your snake oil!”

Fortunately, it seems that won’t be enough to make him our president again, but tell that to Shithead McNeverConcede. The president and his ill legal team are continuing to throw law suit after law suit against a non-stick wall insisting the election was rife with fraud despite not only common sense, but also seemingly simple investigations to the contrary.

Those calls were mainly to the democratic and republican secretaries of state, none of whom reported finding significant, if any, outright fraud let alone irregularities let alone a decent reason to let Trump spend even the rest of the week at the White House.
Yet a somehow simultaneously stunning and utterly unsurprising 70 percent of Trump voters do not believe the election was “free and fair,” in large part because a human turdbucket standing in front of a random landscaping company said so. And since the election results will not be “official” until members of the Electoral College actually casts their votes on behalf of their states and Congress convenes to count those votes…

… we have to continue for now putting up with The Dumbest Showman and his endless freak show until January.
But far be it from the One Term Pony to use this time to actually carry out the duties of the presidency. In fact, this last Wednesday was the first time since the election that he even bothered to make an official public appearance. He finally decided to log off Twitter and get up from his toilet long enough to spend a few minutes pretending he gives a shit about anybody but himself. After presumably being denied a bogus medical deferment to get him out of having to pay respect to people who actually fought for their country, the failed dictator attended a wreath ceremony at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Arlington National Cemetery where he arrived 25 minutes late and didn’t bother to make any remarks.
I’ll give him this: He seems genuinely pensive here. Though it’s hard to tell if he’s thinking of the “losers” or the “suckers.”
But it’s safe to say he’s also just super sad that the rain kept him from golfing instead.

This is not to say that the president didn’t focus on the military this week.
On Monday, he fired Defense Secretary Mark Esper, because, ya know… what better time to mix things up a little?
Sources say Esper was actually prepared to resign back in June after he and Trump had a disagreement over using active duty troops to quell street protests, which is obviously in defiance of the Posse Comitatus Act which “prohibits the use of active duty personnel to execute the laws,” something you would know if you were crazy smart like me and Googled it.
Esper has been replaced by someone who will be replaced on January 21st, so who really gives a shit?

But just so you know I will always recognize when the American President is respectful to the military, I freely admit that Donald Trump never forgets to salute a general… even when it’s a general in the North Korean People’s Army.

American Idiot (c. 2018)

***

One positive result of last week’s election that isn’t being challenged in the courts is that Mississippi has chosen a new state flag. Why? Well… in case you hadn’t noticed, the state’s original banner had a teensy nod to the Confederate Flag
See? Up in the corner?
If you squint and think super-racist thoughts you can just make it out.
Well, it turns out some uber-snowflakes thought this 126-year-long constant reminder of human bondage was perhaps a bit uncouth, and 68% of Mississippi voters actually agreed to replace it with “The New Magnolia.”

Now way less slavey!

The Magnolia flower in the middle is said to represent “the hospitality of the state’s citizens” while the addition of “In God We Trust” represents Mississippi’s proud, uninterrupted refusal to recognize the separation of church and state.
Sooo… two steps forward and one long walk on water back.

Meanwhile, in the 32% of Mississippi that chooses to remain ass-backwards, state Representative Price Wallace, who, if you’re like me, you’ve never heard of before, is so offended by the idea of being governed by President-elect Joe Biden that he crafted this delicious nugget for his 436-strong Twitter army

Where to start?
1 – When your tweet gets 3 likes and 201 comments, you might want to avoid reading through those comments.
2 – If Mississippi did form their own country, it would be the least educated country in North America even if every other state also formed their own country. Close but no cigar, West Virginia!
And 3 – Though “succeed” could easily have been the result of an over-aggressive auto-correct, how long does it take to proof read a 12-word sentence?*
(*Add 4.6 seconds if you’re from Mississippi)

p.s. – Wallace looks exactly like the ridiculous stereotype you have in your head right now.
And it’s safe to assume the only reason he doesn’t look like even more of a stereotype is because the manager at Olin Mills refused to use their Confederate Flag backdrop.

***

And finally, in one of the most unexpected results of this taint stain of a presidency, Trumpleforeskin has turned his ire on his former non-stop cheerleading squad, Fox News. I mean, he still has the awful likes of Doocy, Gutfeld, and Ingraham licking the underside of his grotesque fruit basket, but free-thinkin’ Neil Cavuto has, for some time now, had it up to here with the antics of this president and his tool box of mendacious cretins. So on Monday, as he was showing a clip of professional mouth, Kayleigh McEnany, directly accusing democrats of “welcoming fraud” and “illegal voting,” he, like Popeye before him, finally decided, “I can’t stands no more.”

So, upside: Cavuto used his time slot at Fox News to actually call bullshit on the bullshitters.
Downside: Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity were on next.

***

Ending, as usual, on a positive note…
This week’s musical guest is Lenny Kravitz.
The Kennedy Center Honors has a very long list of stoopid amazing musical performances, but for my money, nothing beats the night the greatest rock band ever, Led Zeppelin, was honored. Heart performing “Stairway to Heaven” with John  Bonham’s offspring, Jason, on the skins is often considered the best of the best. (Though I obviously can’t help but put it at #2.) Foo Fighters shredding through “Rock and Roll” with Dave Grohl on drums and drummer Taylor Hawkins belting out the front man duties is like watching the best garage band ever do the best LZ cover ever. Even noted douchebag Kid Fucking Rock was tolerable doing “Ramble On.” (But no link. Like I said: tolerable.) But it was Kravitz’ version of “Whole Lotta Love” that cemented him, in my mind at least, as one of if not thee coolest man on the planet. How you stare down a relatively docile crowd of black tie intelligentsia and scream “I want to be your back door man” without a single one of them protesting the idea in the least is well beyond my comprehension. But Kravitz does it with ease. And to see the Obamas genuinely feelin’ the whole thing is a welcome reminder that the White House may yet survive this most recent onslaught against everything artistic.
Damn, this is good rock and roll!
Dig it…

Peace, y’all.

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